When I was normal (and when I say normal, I mean well and alive, and not bound with illness), I was always trying to restrict myself on my diet. I always tell myself that I must not succumb to temptations, and must stick to a healthier food range, though I still indulge in some junk food here and there. However, when I got this series of gastric attacks two weeks ago and this week, when I could not eat nor drink anything, when all I was doing was vomiting, even all I consumed was merely a couple of teaspoons of plain porridge water, I began to appreciate the ability to eat.
I have always been wondering why we humans need food as fuel, and then we have to get them digested and then finally, passed out of our body. This system is so tiring. If we do not eat, or eat enough or punctual enough, we will get gastric problems. If we eat too much, we will get into trouble with obesity. If we do not get the particles passed out of our body, we will be laden with toxins, and the system will go haywire. So, why do we have to eat in the first place? Why were humans created and made to go through this chain/cycle?
There are people who eat to live. There are others who live to eat. I would say I belong more to the former population. Most of the times, I do not really care about the selection of food I eat, or rather, so long as there is a meat dish and a vegetable dish, I am happy. Perhaps, it was because of my past employment in the F&B industry, which opened my eyes to the behind-the-dining-area scenes. Not that I saw how dirty or thoughtless the food were being handled, but rather, the chain, from the raw ingredients to the presented dish, enlightened me that it is no tough task, and I could cook dishes like that myself, too. All I need is the recipes, or trials-and-errors. Most probably, this is why ever since, I have not much of an enthusiasm to be out dining. It is nice to have a meal at a nice restaurant/eatery once in a while, with great companions. But it is not a must-have. And I would really rather save up the money, which I can easily prepare a meal with just a fraction of the bill. True, the trade-off is that I have to spend hours shopping for and preparing the ingredients, then have loads of washing to do after the feast. But I would prefer it this way to spending much more money at a restaurant, otherwise.
Back to the moments when I cannot consume anything, it was honestly awful. Firstly, I had to be able to ingest my medications, in order to recover from these nasty gastric attacks. Secondly, I really felt the hunger pangs, even though I should not be having any appetite at all. One moment, I was taking my medicines, then porridge water. Next, I was puking out everything I consumed just half an hour before. It was when I could not eat anything as I wish, that I realized how a bliss it is to be able to eat normally.
I was telling my Mom, that I wanted to eat fried chicken, burger, fries… Haha… It is so dejecting when you cannot even do the only thing you really enjoy in life.
I am still having the mild attacks every now and then, and before it gets worse, I would munch something light and non-oily, maybe a digestive biscuit or two. I would also make myself cups of milk, with condensed milk, every time I feel the acid secreting in my ill gastric. It is my savior. It was the only thing I could ingest without vomiting, two days ago. Since yesterday, I have been drinking more diluted condensed milk than plain water. While I know it is not a healthy choice, I only have this option for now.